


Bat Family Misadventures

by Warren_Pace



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batbrothers (DCU), Batbrothers (DCU) Bonding, Cross-Posted on Wattpad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warren_Pace/pseuds/Warren_Pace
Summary: Have you ever wondered what vigilante teenagers and young adults do when they aren't cleaning up Gotham? Or why there is a rather large dent in the kitchen door? Or why no one is allowed to bring soda in the Batcave? Or maybe what happened when Tim tried to rig a pipe from the coffee maker in the kitchen to the Batcave?Contains a fair amount of curse words because, well, Jason being Jason.Read at viewer discretion.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	1. Why Is The Dog On Fire? (It Was A Dare)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: For this and all the following stories I'm going to leave all of their ages very ambiguous.

**AKA the time Jason, Tim, and Dick found out that Damian will do just about anything if you dare him.**

_"I dare you to set Ace on fire," Jason said with his signature half manic grin._

**Summer**

Gotham Academy was out for summer and while most kids might go to the pool, see a movie, visit family. The bat kids needed something a bit more _interesting_ (dangerous) to entertain them. After a few rounds of increasingly violent twister and a fruitless internet search by Tim, the bat kids found themselves in the Batcave's storage room digging out the flame retardant costumes.

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Dick, ever the mother hen, was the voice of caution.

Jason, unable to resist a bad idea, was having none of it, "of course it is, we're all trained vigilantes. Really, what's the worst that could happen."

Tim groaned, his hands jittering slightly from his high caffeine intake, "can we just do something? If we don't do this we're all gonna end up killing each other for entertainment."

Jason had to refrain hard from commenting that he'd already died, knowing that pissing Dick off this early in the day would only lead to more opposition to the rest of today's stupid ideas. While Damian, who had been pulling out the rest of the costumes while they'd paused, commented, "I think you mean that I would kill all of you, Drake."

A pause, all internally sighing at the now-familiar arrogance.

Jason, "I take offense at that comment, Demon Spawn."

"Why, because it's true?" Damian flashed the trademark Wayne smirk.

Dick snorted. Jason scoffed. Tim raised an eyebrow, attempting to look aristocratically indignant with a few weeks of sleep deprivation hanging under his eyes.

After composing himself Dick clapped his hands together. "We're all bored and killing each other won't do us any good."

Jason nodded, eager to begin the mischief. He held out a lighter, casually flicking it open with a gleeful smile on his face, "now all we need to do is find that damn dog."

Moments later they had each fanned out to a different corner of the house, Tim was upstairs searching the boys' rooms, Jason took the right-wing on the bottom floor, while Damian took the other wing; Dick for no reason at all clambered up on the roof and started looking in the yard with a robin's eye view.

Despite all this, it was Alfred who found the Great Dane nosing through the laundry room. Hearing the boys' shouts he sent the dog their way with only a mustache twitch. Surprisingly enough it was not Damien the dog immediately sought out.

There was a loud crash, followed by a string of expletives.

"Master Jason." Alfred shook his head, a wry smile on lips, as he continued folding the laundry.

At the sound of the crash, the remaining teens had all congregated in the right-wing. A bubble of laughter and the incessant clicking of iPhone cameras followed. Jason sprawled flat on his stomach was being used as a rather unwilling chair by the excitable hound.

"Good boy." Damien's smile was ear to ear as he watched Jason's unsuccessful attempts to pry the dog off him. Dick helped Jason up as Tim added the photos to a file on his phone suspiciously labeled _blackmail_.

"Can we finally finish this stupid dare? That mutt deserves what's coming to it." Jason said as he made a show of brushing nonexistent dirt from his shoulders.

"Alright, but we should go outside. Alfred just might kill us if we set the sprinklers off all over the dry laundry." Dick marched out the backdoor, and the others followed with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Damien was in the rear, carrying an old robin costume. Dick paused a moment, choosing his path, before leading them past the sprawling gardens to the poolside. "Better safe than sorry."

It only took a moment for Damien to slip the robin cowl over the confused dog's head. The cape billowed out in the wind, he looked like sort of _bat dog._ He held out his hand out for the lighter, which Jason dropped into his hand immediately.

"Are you sure about this, Dami?"

"A dare is a matter of pride, Grayson. I would never allow my honor to be besmirched by the likes of Todd."

"Hey." Jason said half-heartedly, he knew it was true.

Damien flicked the lighter.

Ace's cowl caught immediately, the flame spread quickly, but the suit did its job. The fire didn't touch the hound, but the dog's instincts didn't know that. He ran every which way, trying to escape the fire, all the while leaving a trail of smoke in his wake.

"Should we help him?" Tim asked, gazing at the dog. Half convinced the caffeine hallucinations had started as he watched the flaming Great Dane dart around the pool.

"He's next to a pool, he'll figure it out eventually." Jason waved a hand dismissively.

" _Ahem_. _"_

The boys froze. Then turned around one by one, each hoping that he wouldn't actually be there.

"H-hey, Bruce." Dick said as nonchalantly as he could, as though the family dog were not on fire right behind him.

"What exactly is going on here?" Bruce addressed all of them in the voice that he reserved for the worst of Gotham's criminal underbelly and misbehaving sons. "I was assisting the GCPD when Gordon got a call that smoke had been spotted at Wayne Manor. Care to explain?"

"Well—" Jason started to explain when three batboy's hands covered his mouth.

"Alfred did it." Tim supplied.


	2. The Coffee Tube Endeavor

**In which Tim makes a grave mistake and the other batboys are quick to point it out.**

It was the banging and clattering that woke everyone in the manor, and that was not a good thing at 5 AM on a Sunday (even vigilantes need a night in occasionally).

Damian woke first, grumbling a multitude of curses in Arabic as he did so. His years in the League of Assassins meant that he could wake at the drop of a pin, and this was considerably louder. He tucked the sheets in out of habit as he got up. Damian could generally see pretty well in the dark, but disorientation from being up so early on a Sunday meant that he tripped over at least five things between his bed and the door. He massaged the growing welt on his head gingerly. He was going to kill whoever was making a racket at this hour. 

Jason would've been next if he hadn't already been awake. He hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since before he died. As it was, he was three hours deep in a Beyoncé binge and didn't notice anything. That was until Ace hopped on his bed. Damian had woken him and he was determined to find someone willing to pet him. He pulled the headphones out as reached over to pet the dog. It was then that was aware of the loud clanging noise echoing through the house. He almost cursed out loud, but after one rather memorable occasion of Alfred kicking his ass for swearing loudly at one in the morning, he decided against it. He slipped the pistol out of his bedside cabinet and into the waistband of his jeans.

Dick woke up with a sigh. Odd noises were not a rarity in the house, but they were generally not this early. A cucumber slice fell off his eye as he turned to click on the light. So much for his self-pampering routine this morning. He took a minute to the wash the paste off his face, he'd never hear the end of it if the other boys caught him wearing it. Dick opened his door and promptly walked into Jason, who then stumbled into Damian only a few steps behind.

They all landed on the floor in a tangle of limbs and Jason swore loudly. It was this, not the incessant clanging that finally woke Alfred. He was like a bloodhound when it came to Jason cursing. Sure enough, his head appeared at the bottom of the stairs a minute later. Somehow already in an immaculately pressed suit.

"Master Jason," he called disapprovingly, not even batting an eye at the tangled mass of limbs before him. "What have I told you about using that kind of language?"

Jason grumbled something indistinct under his breath, and the other boys laughed. Surprisingly, to all involved, Bruce hadn't woken yet. Nothing disturbed his sleep on the weekend, the man could sleep like the dead. 

The boys slowly untangled themselves and headed down the stairs. Damian was the last to do so, as he had been pancaked under Dick and Jason and his muscles were not happy about it. They were unsurprised as they passed Tim's room to find it empty. That boy slept less than Jason did (and Jason _didn't sleep_ ). Guessing they already knew who was causing the racket they followed the noise through the old grandfather clock and into the Batcave. 

Where Tim had managed to rig a harness and was trying to drill a hole in the ceiling. The boys glanced at each other. Wondering what on Earth their brother could be doing. 

"Uh, Timmy." Dick called hesitantly, "Whatcha doing there?"

The drilling continued Tim hadn't seemed to notice them. 

"TODD!" Damian yelled. Having no trouble making himself heard over the drill. Tim flinched in shock dropping the drill as he did so. It smashed to the floor with quite a few sparks. Tim pushed back the goggles he was wearing and glanced down at them.

"Hey, guys. What are you doing up so late?"

Dick was generally the most even-tempered of the group, but everyone there was a vein popping on his forehead. His skin care routine had been interrupted and that was one thing you never messed with.

"TIMOTHY DRAKE, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW AND EXPLAIN WHY YOU ARE DRILLING INTO THE BATCAVE AT FIVE IN THE MORNING?" Everyone was shocked at Dick's outburst, it was definitely more of something Jason or Damian might say. So Tim knew better than to argue. It took him a few minutes of fiddling with the gears before the harness finally began to lower.

Tim started babbling as the harness lowered. "I had this great thought, well more of an idea really. I was getting another cup of coffee and I thought why should I have to walk up three flights of stairs just to get another cup." Tim hit the ground and stepped out of the harness. He began gesticulatingly wildly, his arms swinging around crazily. "I tried getting a thermos, but that only delayed the walking. So I thought how about I cut out the middle man entirely and just install a pipe from the kitchen to the Batcave."

There was a ringing silence that greeted his words.

Before finally, Damian spoke up. "Why didn't you just install a coffee maker down here. There's a whole kitchen set up over there." He pointed to the doorway on the right.

Tim's eyes bugged and all the batboys doubled over laughing. They were still laughing a few minutes later when Alfred calmly walked down the stairs with a box in hand. He entered the small kitchen and placed the coffee maker on the counter. 


End file.
